your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just wanna soil my oats bro
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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