Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
