Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When are your genitals available?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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