does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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