Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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