I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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