I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
