seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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