I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
