it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
