You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
