I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
