The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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