well most of my day revolves around power hour
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
