Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
