i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
