FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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