well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
