I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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