laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
