Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
