I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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