Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
