No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
