she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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