i think i have two assholes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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