is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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