if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I AM VODKA MAN
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
