well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How does it feel to date your dad?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
