My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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