I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
