YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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