Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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