a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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