how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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