y did u give ur computer a hand job?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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