Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
