My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
