I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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