hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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