ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
