I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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