My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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