just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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