And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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