she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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