I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
