his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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