I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
