that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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