if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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