yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
be right there i have to get my cape
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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